Read to Achieve

Whitney believes the children are our future. If we teach them well and let them lead the way, we can show them all the beauty they possess inside. That's deep, Whit... I'm right with ya. ... too bad your daughter wasn't born when you were singing "The Greatest Love of All"... she would have developed before you became a crackhead. I'm just spitballing here but it seems to me that the children becoming our future really depends on how well we can teach them and that's not something we're doing all that well. Sure, there are thousands of brainiacs out there leaving their high schools behind for elite colleges and prosperous lives but what about the hundreds of thousands of functionally illiterate and uneducated entering the world each year? [No, this is not a rabidly partisan post] It's clear to everyone that the wasteland that is the American public school system has been made so by the corrupt, hidebound education monopoly that supports her. The problems are too many to list but I think it's fair to say that the bulk of America's children are consigned to worthless education and even the better public schools are substandard when compared to those of industrialized nations. One of you is reading this right now and is yelling back, "That's easy to say. What's YOUR solution, smart ass?" Yeah, you caught me. I don't have one... but it seems that neither does anyone else (translation: I don't buy No Child Left Behind as "the answer" though it's a start) but there may be hope...

Enter David Stern and the NBA. I'm sure you've all heard about Read to Achieve. According to NBA.com, "The NBA’s Read to Achieve program is a year-round campaign to help young people develop a life-long love for reading and encourage adults to read regularly to children."

Let's think about this for a moment, shall we?

This is an education program... an education program that charges NBA players, men who have achieved in spite of literacy, with reading to the local youth in pre-arranged events across the nation. The irony of this is spinning me out. Half of these guys can't speak English, let alone read. I have friends in the NBA and with the exception of a couple, they're stand-up guys... but I'm a cynic at heart. From alleged rapists and domestic abusers to potheads and thugs, the NBA has acquired an image that's pretty tough to shake. I'm tempted to believe that given the constant PR disaster that is the NBA, Commissioner Stern had to develop something positive that fans could point to and say, "See, these guys aren't so bad." "Photo-op publicity ploy? No way." "The players are making a sincere, honest effort to throw down some wisdom to the youth of this great nation." If the league wants to prove to the masses that its players are socially conscious Care Bears eager to raise awareness, ehhh... I might I buy it... but when I look at some of the "reading" advocates, I feel the bitter smacks of Irony, as the NBA hypes these paragons of individuals that haven't benefited from reading in any way, shape, or form.

The opener for R2A (that's my own acronym!) in 2002 was Yao Ming. Now maybe I don't have all of my information correct but the only English he knew in at this point in time was, "Can I write a check?" We all remember that Visa Check Card commercial where Yao gets to New York, has checks but no ID, wants a souvenier and the only English the poor guy knows is that phrase and how to say his own bloody name. Maybe they located some Houston-area Chinese kids to come to the program and learn about literacy... at least that would make sense. But if they didn't, well, I hope Yao's translator has a great story voice - otherwise, these kids got the shaft. ... Carmelo Anthony is the man-boy that after one year at 'Cuse said, "I don’t want to make it sound bad but there’s really nothing more I could get out of college." Thanks for your input, 'Melo. That's a great statement for the kids. ... Lebron James and Kevin Garnett. I'm sorry for being such a bitch here but do you really think these guys read? I've heard Kevin Garnett speak multiple times and he may very well be functionally retarded. Skipping college was likely in his best interest because my toddler nephew strings words together more eloquently than Kevin.

I'm not saying that someone with freakish talent should be forced to languish in collegiate basketball when they have the opportunity to see their greatest dreams come to fruition. But let's not lead "the future" astray here - these guys don't need to be READING to anybody. In fact, someone should be reading to them! I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Read to Achieve has helped boost the league's literacy rate.

How about lessons on the issues with which NBA players have practical experience? Avoiding Indictments with Allen Iverson; Jason Kidd & Restoring One's Image After Beating Your Wife; Ron Artest: Anger Management and CD Promotion; Chris Webber styling with Perjury, Obstruction of Justice, and Me. Stick with what you know, fellas. Reading aint it.

I know this is a stretch but maybe Read to Achieve is a cover for a No Books, Just Hoops campaign. Why has Keith Van Horn's game become softer than Charmin? Because he reads! When Damon Stoudamire sits down with a group of youngins, I seriously doubt they're thinking, "I can read and be smart just like Damon." That's just what David Stern wants us to believe. It's more along the lines of, "Screw reading and cursive and all that bullshit. I can get blazed and play hoops all day just like Damon!" If Kobe read to kids (before Colorado), I'd buy that. If Pat Garrity read to kids, I'd buy that. Emeka Okafor, Tim Duncan, Grant Hill... where are these guys? Why aren't they reading to the children? Oh, I'm sorry - they have to make way for Johnny Phonic's photo-op.

Now all this said, I recognize that this program has achieved some very positive things for communities across the country. I'm not knocking that... only the representatives of choice.