Shoulda Stayed Home

I traded in endangering my life in late night adventures for tooling around the internet... for a while, at least. Around 3 this morning, I happened upon a quiz that measures my nerdiness.
According to the results, "17% scored higher (more nerdy), and 83% scored lower (less nerdy). Your nerdiness is: High-Level Nerd. You are definitely MIT material, apply now!" Though I've never denied having some nerd tendencies, I didn't know I was this bad off. I'm not knocking nerd life but scoring in the 83rd percentile.. well.. I'm just gonna let it go.

[moving on]

1. At 2:30 am, NBC re-airs Leno and then Conan. The shows are usually 2 or 3 days old. One of Conan's guests "tonight" is Paris Hilton. I'll spare you my opinions but the only thing going through my head right now is my intense desire to dress her in a potato sack, force-feed her lard for 4 weeks, and then plop her on the corner of Florence & Normandie without her cell phone, make-up, or credit cards. Then I want to put cameras on her (from afar, of course) and see how she manages to scam or slut her way from South Central back to Beverly Hills. Maybe I can employ some type of "Amazing Race" format or something... I'll work the details out at work later today.

2. Am I the only one who thinks we're going to see a Conclave in the next few weeks?

3. I was at Reckers for a while watching tv. [I know, I know - I can watch tv just as easily in my bedroom, but Reckers at 4 am provides a nice change of scenery with comfortable furniture, #9 smoothies, and food prepared by someone other than myself. An additional factor in my decision was the moment when I became startled by the sound of my own voice. I'd been through nearly 90 minutes of infomercials. Tony Little and Ron Popeil and Amazing Discoveries. Rotisserie-o-matics and Ab Rockers and Juicemen and Ginsu. Lose weight! Try a psychic! Sell your soul for 3 installments of $19.99! I changed the channel for the 8th time and happened upon C.H.I.P.s... I don't remember what came out of my mouth but it was then that I threw on the coat and walked out the door.] Random kids came in and out at first but after 10-15 minutes, I was alone. There wasn't total silence. The tv droned incessantly in the background but I didn't care. Any sense of panic and stress that I once felt began to melt away. The pulsating throb in my forehead grew weary and began to subside. I settled in and took a deep breath. Chills and then goosebumps. The calm washed over me like a crashing tide. I couldn't help but appreciate the unusual simplicity of the moment. I sometimes wonder if my body puts me through the hassles of insomnia simply so that I may have the opportunity to experience this brief and halcyon respite.

I laid back and took in a Modern Marvels segment about the silver lode in Nevada on the History Channel. My eyelids were heavy but I wasn't tired. I clasped my hands across my stomach, hooked the barbell in my tongue into my teeth and relaxed (I have a tendency to chew on my tongue piercing). All was well for about 10 minutes. The side door opened and shut. I couldn't tell who was walking in but his feet were heavy... and sounded somewhat uncoordinated. I didn't bother to look; I should have. I heard a "Ohhh shhhhhh-i-i-i-i-i" and then saw a body falling to the ground directly behind me. Then I saw a hand. The next thing I experienced was pain, as this errant hand swept across the back of my recently shredded neck. To make matters worse, I bit down on the barbell and chipped a tooth.

"Oh I'm so sorry! I'm a loser! A loser!" The bloke beat himself up enough over the matter that I felt bad and told him it was no big deal. I didn't know I was bleeding at the time. I wish I had - I would have left immediately rather than listen to him prattle on. "I totally come in here late at night because nobody is here. It's so relaxing just to be here alone taking it all in and watching tv and doing that thing. Man, nobody is in here, which is so awesome. Don't you like the solitude? I love it. This is so relaxing. It's so quiet and relaxing in here." He failed to see the irony and I chose not to inform him of such. All I could do was stare at him with the utmost contempt for his existence in my life. "Man, I've seen you in here before. You get those smoothies. I'm Tom, Tom *******. I live in Sorin. I love coming here to chill. Don't you live in Walsh?" "No." "Welsh?" "I did but I moved off campus" "Yeah, cuz I've seen you. You know where else I know you from?" FUCK! The pulse in my forehead began to return and I picked up another in my left eyelid. They grew more forceful with every beat, as my calm jumped off the sinking ship that was my sanity and swam out the building. "Yeah and then you had that play that..." My hands started trembling and he wouldn't stop talking. He was so bloody loud. Yackety yackety fuckin yack. "Whoa and then you..." [Remember when Austin Powers killed the Fembots with his pelvic thrust dance? The effect here was the same and meltdown was imminent.] My breathing grew ragged and the images in front of me started to swirl. "I totally have one of those posters..." Bloody Christ. "HEY! I know, can I have your autograph?! I have a sister and she.." I started screaming. Endless screaming. I wasn't even saying anything, at least I don't think so. It was primal.. desperate. And then -"HAHA WHOA! That was awesome! That's totally how you play." I nearly broke into tears. Why?? Why did he have to come in there? I know it's what I get for leaving my bedroom and going to a public place but come on. Only me, I swear to bloody God. "Hey, you're bleeding." My neck felt wet and I checked it out. He was right. I thanked him for noticing, apologized for screaming, and left, somehow managing not to run over to his chair and beat him to shits.
[fast forward]
I have stitches on the back of my neck now. I probably should have gotten them after Denny's like the paramedics recommended but I'm hard-headed. Ah well...

Cheers!

PS. If anyone sees or knows this chap, well, if you wouldn't mind... Thanks, I appreciate it.