Chicken Bacon Ranch
"Oh the places you'll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored, there are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all! FAME! You'll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV!"
Dr. Seuss knows what's up. It's time for spring work - hooray :)
And no, this wasn't like the half-ass hooray that I was emoting about six months ago when I was ready to jet out of here on a magic carpet [...though lack of said carpet made my plan somewhat more difficult to put into action]. Oh no, boys and girls. This is a true, blue, damn near patriotic hooray. A "ding, dong the witch is dead" hooray. An "I got my peri.. nevermind. It's good stuff.
So around lunchtime today, Boss came into my office and stood directly in front of my tv. The fact that I was watching was of little consequence to him. Nor should it have been, I suppose... this is work after all and he is my boss. Anytime he walks into my office, it's only reasonable to assume that he takes precedence over Maury revealing that Taquon is, in fact, the father of all 4 children. "Little Flash" [He's taken to throwing "Little" in front of any name that he calls me, as he's only recently discovered my runtness.] "We need to have a lunch meeting." "In the conference room?" "No, you and I, to the car, get some lunch, bring the notebooks." To the batcave! I grabbed the player eval notebooks and headed out. "Do you have your keys?" Apparently, we were taking my car.. perhaps fitting given I'm the minion in this relationship. We ended up at a Subway way off on Grape. I can't remember what he got but I decided on a 12 inch Chicken Bacon Ranch (the toasty oven kind) and set to eating it up yum (slowly, of course, as not to expose him to my oinkiness). We discussed some players and their respective evaluations and were actually pretty efficient about things. I shared some necessary information, he took some notes, and some last minute things were sorted out. But after about 20 minutes, I was eyeing the 2nd half of my sandwich. I know, I know - "Flash, when has it ever taken you 20 minutes to eat?" Never... dicks. But it seems that Boss was eyeing the tasty goodness as well. I suppose it smelled better than his veggie... lettuce, onions, tomatos, green peppers.. mmm, right? So's that dragon breath, Coach. "So Little Flash... you like new experiences right?" "Of course, Coach." "You're a risk taker. Courageous. Bold. Feisty. You know you're my pitbull out there." Appealing to my vanity... a good move... a smooth move... a manipulative move. My ulterior motive sensors went off. "So I'd like to propose an offer..... my sandwich for yours." What? His for mine? Did he know what I was eating?? Better.. did he know what HE was eating? Wait, I take that back. Clearly he did. Maybe he thought I was blind or slow or lacking in tastebuds. He was mistaken.
I viewed this sitution like a survival of the fittest test. If you could turn our booth at the Subway into a rock under a tree in the Paleolithic Era (with the firepit and newly carved wheel nearby), I'd equate this to the tale of two cavemen. One, clever and manipulative, is in possession of roots and berries - the best this "hunter/gatherer" could manage in a day of food seeking. While the other, strong and braindead, is in possession of an 8 point buck. Taking note of his horribly unfortunate position, clever caveman engages in series of histrionics and confusing mumbo jumbo, that dupes strong caveman into trading the buck for the roots and berries. Clever survives the winter and prospers through the ages, while Strong becomes Encino Man and is unearthed thousands of years later by Pauly Shore and Rudy.
Tragic. I refused to subject myself to the fate of strong and mighty caveman.
I decided that the best move was to give Boss a bite. I did so, allowing him to savor the tasty goodness before taking the sandwich away in a rather immature, possessive display. Ranch sauce dripped on the table... My lip curled slightly with satisfaction. Boss and I stared at one another for a few seconds before he nodded and said, "Well played." "Thank you, sir. I take my food seriously." "I'll catch ya slippin."
The battle begins.
Dr. Seuss knows what's up. It's time for spring work - hooray :)
And no, this wasn't like the half-ass hooray that I was emoting about six months ago when I was ready to jet out of here on a magic carpet [...though lack of said carpet made my plan somewhat more difficult to put into action]. Oh no, boys and girls. This is a true, blue, damn near patriotic hooray. A "ding, dong the witch is dead" hooray. An "I got my peri.. nevermind. It's good stuff.
So around lunchtime today, Boss came into my office and stood directly in front of my tv. The fact that I was watching was of little consequence to him. Nor should it have been, I suppose... this is work after all and he is my boss. Anytime he walks into my office, it's only reasonable to assume that he takes precedence over Maury revealing that Taquon is, in fact, the father of all 4 children. "Little Flash" [He's taken to throwing "Little" in front of any name that he calls me, as he's only recently discovered my runtness.] "We need to have a lunch meeting." "In the conference room?" "No, you and I, to the car, get some lunch, bring the notebooks." To the batcave! I grabbed the player eval notebooks and headed out. "Do you have your keys?" Apparently, we were taking my car.. perhaps fitting given I'm the minion in this relationship. We ended up at a Subway way off on Grape. I can't remember what he got but I decided on a 12 inch Chicken Bacon Ranch (the toasty oven kind) and set to eating it up yum (slowly, of course, as not to expose him to my oinkiness). We discussed some players and their respective evaluations and were actually pretty efficient about things. I shared some necessary information, he took some notes, and some last minute things were sorted out. But after about 20 minutes, I was eyeing the 2nd half of my sandwich. I know, I know - "Flash, when has it ever taken you 20 minutes to eat?" Never... dicks. But it seems that Boss was eyeing the tasty goodness as well. I suppose it smelled better than his veggie... lettuce, onions, tomatos, green peppers.. mmm, right? So's that dragon breath, Coach. "So Little Flash... you like new experiences right?" "Of course, Coach." "You're a risk taker. Courageous. Bold. Feisty. You know you're my pitbull out there." Appealing to my vanity... a good move... a smooth move... a manipulative move. My ulterior motive sensors went off. "So I'd like to propose an offer..... my sandwich for yours." What? His for mine? Did he know what I was eating?? Better.. did he know what HE was eating? Wait, I take that back. Clearly he did. Maybe he thought I was blind or slow or lacking in tastebuds. He was mistaken.
I viewed this sitution like a survival of the fittest test. If you could turn our booth at the Subway into a rock under a tree in the Paleolithic Era (with the firepit and newly carved wheel nearby), I'd equate this to the tale of two cavemen. One, clever and manipulative, is in possession of roots and berries - the best this "hunter/gatherer" could manage in a day of food seeking. While the other, strong and braindead, is in possession of an 8 point buck. Taking note of his horribly unfortunate position, clever caveman engages in series of histrionics and confusing mumbo jumbo, that dupes strong caveman into trading the buck for the roots and berries. Clever survives the winter and prospers through the ages, while Strong becomes Encino Man and is unearthed thousands of years later by Pauly Shore and Rudy.
Tragic. I refused to subject myself to the fate of strong and mighty caveman.
I decided that the best move was to give Boss a bite. I did so, allowing him to savor the tasty goodness before taking the sandwich away in a rather immature, possessive display. Ranch sauce dripped on the table... My lip curled slightly with satisfaction. Boss and I stared at one another for a few seconds before he nodded and said, "Well played." "Thank you, sir. I take my food seriously." "I'll catch ya slippin."
The battle begins.
posted by Flash at 3/30/2005 04:27:00 PM
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