British Open: Fashion Bogeys

The Claret Jug is supposed to be a sacred trophy among golfers, right? So what's it doing etched on this Ian Poulter's pants leg? The Englishman is known for his wacky attire, and this might be the strangest one to date. The only good thing about the outfit is The Arsenal crest on his shoes. Check out the rest here - British Open: Fashion Bogeys.

In an unrelated note, my mum yipped at me today about cell my phone bill. "I just paid it a couple hours ago and I cannot believe you would ever be so incredibly careless and irresponsible. And no, I haven't told your father yet, but this time, I'm going to because you simply refuse to respect the rules that we set for you." The "this time" is in reference to "last time" when a phone call from my boyfriend last summer started around 8 am on a Monday and ran for nearly 3 days. Yes, people actually do talk that much, and I think I exhausted my daytime minutes about an hour into the call. Luckily, I eventually lost my signal and, after realizing my major error, stuck to speaking with him during the day by using AIM. Eventually my parents received the bill and it was in the ballpark of $500. Mum freaked out but let me off the hook with the stipulation that next time, she'd get my dad involved and take my phone away. As it turned out, she ratted me out anyway and I got blistered, but moving on.

So it was today that she tried to take my phone from me, as I apparently ran up my bill to $85.45. I pleaded with her - I check my minutes all the time, always conscious of how many are left on my plan. Surely an error had been made. "Well, I saw the bill just hours ago and was horrified by your continued displays of woeful immaturity." At first I was suspicious. My mum is a Londoner and it takes an awful lot to either shock or impress her, let alone leave her horrified. I don't know if my woeful immaturity even registers on the scale. So for a moment, I stopped taking her seriously and tried to imagine her as Mo'Nique - the plus-sized, black comedienne that's on the Parkers, the Queens of Comedy, and Showtime at the Apollo [the Apollo is always on at 5 am. I think I'm one of the few late-night viewers]. With Mo'Nique yelling at me, all was well, until she said, "Now cough up the bloody phone." I was taken aback. My mum is engrained with that annoying level of politeness stereotypical of most Britons and she doesn't make negative comments; she rips you between the lines. So telling me to cough something up was a bit abrasive for her and I briefly wondered if my father had harassed her before she began harassing me. But this little period of contemplation was interrupted when she tried to grab the phone out of my hand. I pulled it away and fought back... with Sprintpcs.com.

And what do you know?! SOMEONE forgot to pay the bloody bill last month.

"Well I don't know how that happened. The bill must not have come in or I must have misplaced it."

Yah huh. Save it.

Flash 1
Mum 42,000,000

I'm on the board!