Catholics: No Adopting For You!

Thinking of adopting in Mississippi? Well, if you're Catholic, you'd better think again and hit the bloody road. You'll have an easier time scooping up a kid out of Cambodia.

A Christian adoption agency in Jackson, Mississippi will not consider Catholics as adoptive parents. Had they mentioned any minority group or any combination of interracial couple, I wouldn't have been surprised (given the location) but Catholics?

"It has been our understanding that Catholicism does not agree with our Statement of Faith," wrote Bethany Christian Services director Karen Stewart in a July 8 letter to Sandy and Robert Stedman, a Catholic couple in Jackson seeking to adopt.

I've read both the Old and New Testament multiple times, and unless I missed the "Catholics, thou art the devil" verse, I'm struggling to understand how the Statement of Faith legitimately disqualifies Catholics from adopting. It makes no mention of Catholicism and only seems to reiterate the generalities of faith taught by the Bible and every other denomination of Christianity. If Catholics are out, then logically, Methodists, Lutherans, and even (gasp!) the Baptists over at Bob Jones should be banned.

"Our practice to not accept applications from Catholics was an effort to be good stewards of an adoptive applicant's time, money and emotional energy."

So basically, rather than pretending to be fair, bigots cut to the chase and tell you to get lost. This saves time, money, and emotional energy. Ya know, if I'm out to discriminate against a group, what the hell do I care if I waste their time, money, and emotional energy?? I'd invite them to apply by the dozens just so I can get my kicks from rejecting them. I'd buy an 11-inch stamp that said "DENIED!" in 4-inch, block letters and then I'd personally deliver the rejection letter to their homes.

"Hi, I'm Flash from the Bigoted Adoption Agency" [I'd be all smiles]
"Ohhh, is this the decision?"
"Sure is!"
[I'd grin ear to ear, growing giddy in anticipation of what would be to come. I'd watch them tear open the envelope, positive that they'd read a letter of approval. But then their mouths would fall open and the color would drain from their faces, as the horror and disappointment of rejection overtakes them. And then it would be my time to shine.]
"AAAHHHH HAHAHAHA!!! YOU SUCKERS!!" I'd point and laugh and taunt before running back to my car while continuing to yip and holler. Before getting in, I'd turn around and shake my bum at them. Then I'd hop in and honk while I sped away.

That's how you fuckin discriminate. Not this farcical bull. The problem is these ass jockeys are still worrying about being "Christian" in the process. The second they left out a group - of other Christians, no less, all of that disappeared. Go ahead and be peckers about it, Bethany "Christian" Services - it makes no difference now.

Perhaps the board, short on oxygen after forgetting to remove their hoods, decided to adhere to the Klan's Stars and Bars Statement of Faith rather than abiding by anything remotely related to Christianity... or morals. I guess that's their bag but they should own up to their racist nature. Don't hide behind Statements of Faith that don't apply. They must assume the rest of the nation is at the same level of illiteracy as the residents of Jackson.

In light of that, I fancy I'll head down to Jackson, Mississippi and see if I, a single, Apache Jewess with an eye for men of color and a willing attendee of a private school for Papists could be looked upon favorably in the selection process. I mean, my taste in men, religion, and ethnic background surely won't count against me since I have such a winning smile. Anyone wanna play husband and join me on a trip down to Lynchville to see who we can piss off? I'm looking for the most non-white, non-Protestant combination out there ... but a beautiful Peruvian man with curly hair would suffice :)