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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Down With Chris Berman!

-- Backbackbackback...GONE! Chris Berman said his 80th "back" before Abreu broke Tejada's first round record. I wish someone would sneak up behind him when he's right in the middle of his schtick and crack his fucking head wide open. Yackety yack. It's endless. Now I know he and Joe Morgan were struggling for things to talk about but come on. Whomever convinced Berman that his nicknaming abilities (that haven't been good since '92) are a better story than the players in the game should be confronted and dealt with in a severe manner. The only way Berman becomes a bigger story than the players is if he makes the news while Greenpeace is towing him back out to sea. I don't want to see Berman on tv again until Tom Jackson is sitting there with him.

-- Was I the only person that witnessed Johnny Damon and Mike Piazza engaging in asshat shenanigans during the pre-Derby "entertainment" while the ONE pyrotechnic device placed behind the drummer dazzled the crowd once every 30 seconds? They were up there with one of those New Rock bands that is on par with other trash like Nickelback, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, and Matchbox 20. I don't know the name of the band but I'm pretty sure it's comprised of the douchebags that were in Creed before their lead singer coked out. What I do know is that not only do baseball players have horrible taste in music but Damon and Piazza rocked out (thankfully, not with their cocks out) to this musical poison like they were having flashbacks to a Van Halen concert (with David Lee Roth, of course)... Mike Piazza amazingly morphed into something straight out of a bad, live Winger video and for a second, I could picture him with a mullet, standing next to some girl whose beer-covered tits were hanging out because she just threw her top on stage. Total disaster. Though both men were initially quite fascinated with watching the lead singer do his thing, Piazza eventually lost interest and left to play air drums in front of the drummer. The good thing is someone lent him real drum sticks so he could play the air like a pro. As for Damon, he awkwardly attempted air guitar but given his hand position, may have actually been playing the bass. He then attempted singing but after realizing his microphone was off (and it took him a minute to catch on), he went back to what he probably knows best -- headbanging. Whomever invited that tool band and tried to make everything all hip needs to be fired. I shudder to think what we could see tomorrow... hopefully Stuart Scott won't show up.

-- As for other things, how pissed are you if you were one of those Century 21 house contestants that got paired with Jason Bay or Hee-Seop Choi? I'd be suing somebody for not providing me with at least a decent opportunity to win. Maybe if the Home Run Derby were the Ground Rule Double Derby a couple of these poor saps would have a chance. At least David Ortiz's people could have hope for the 3rd round and maybe beyond. But for the ones that had Jason Bay hitting, it was like he was giving their house away. This Baseball World Cup business actually sounds pretty cool, and I imagine it will be once they get the kinks worked out, but it served no purpose tonight.

All in all, I'm glad these horrible things didn't detract from Bobby Abreu's incredible performance. Besides, given what his fiancee did to him, he probably needed this.