Fantasy Balls Team

So for the 3rd time in as many days, my nephew, Alejandro, has gotten me in trouble. The last time, he and I were playing baseball in front of the house. I made the pitch and he ripped a line drive right by my head, through the window, and directly into my mother's bum. When we heard her scream, I snatched him up and we made a run for it, luckily happening upon my dad as he left for the market. We were in the road by the time she came running outside in a rage. I got nailed upon returning home but I suppose I had it coming.

So a couple hours ago, my nephew strolled into the living room, wide-eyed and ready for action. "Can we play?" "It's 3 am, sweetie, I don't think so." But I really did want to play. Besides, eventually he'd tire and I could put him back in bed. "Your mummy's gonna kill me." "Yes! And Mama, too!!" His acknowledgement that my sister and mum would take turns beating me for letting him stay up was a bit unnerving.

So we started with basketball, but after he made 2 goals in a row, he started yipping and yelling about high fives. Next came war but after he thought he killed me, he again cheered for himself in high pitched tones. This pattern continued through 3 more activities, each ending when he screamed in excitement about his success. Thinking a drive would calm him down, I took him to Dunkin Donuts for a snack but only managed to get hit on by an unfortunate looking trucker with tourettes and a sticker on his rig that said, "Don't get mad, get naked." We got our donuts to go.

After returning home, he wanted to play baseball but I told him I had a better game - fantasy baseball. "Do you know what OBP is?" "I don't have to potty." I marked that as no. "Do you know what saves are?" His little brow furrowed for a moment. "To not throw away." "Good. But do you know what saves are for baseball?" "Maronino Rivera." Without hesitation, the geek in me became overwhelmingly giddy. Where would I begin? Should I just talk to him about my fantasy team? Maybe just the Yankees? How much could we discuss and in how much detail? What does he already know? He associates Rivera with saves; clearly he has more knowledge.

I put him on my lap and we started with my rise to 3rd place in my fantasy league [I'm gunnin for you Matt] and my recent trades, drops, and pickups. But after talking about drafting Derrick Lee like a genius and my most recent pickup of the still hot Jeff Francoeur, he said, "Why aren't you first?" "Well I'm trying." "I hope so Aunt Aminan... I hope so.... 3rd place... is not good." And then he shot me this look of concern, as if I need to get my shit together and straighten out my team. Momentarily offended, I asked him what he thought I ought to do. "Add me to your team. I'm dy-no-mite!." It was then that my mom, weary and still angry from the giant bruise on her arse, appeared and asked why we were up. "Mama, I'm going to be on Aunt Aminan's fantasy balls team! I'm dynomite, Mama! I'm hot!!" Then he clapped, marched around, and screamed about fantasy balls, being the fantasy balls, and being dynomite while my horrified mother held her hands over her mouth. Knowing that no amount of explanation could ever counteract "fantasy balls team" at this time of night, I hung my head in shame and prayed for the moment to pass.

"Fantasy balls, Amjan? What in--The nerve of you using such language with him!! We'll discuss this in the morning, young lady."

Of course.