Jesse Jackson, Obviously Bored, Targets ESPN

Has anyone been watching "50 States in 50 Days?" It's ESPN's newest, mind-numbingly boring ratings gimmick where the SportsCenter visits a new state each day and highlights things that only matter to the 42 residents occupying the row of cornfields from which they're broadcasting that day. It's a total waste of time that serves to 1) pain the audience with a crappy Bryan Adams tune [I really thought we'd heard the last of him after Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves but alas] and 2) ignore real stories like the ascendancy of Bobby Cox and the patchwork Atlanta Braves to the top of the NL East after being written off and left for dead. But I suppose I should be grateful. Without 50/50, I wouldn't know that cherry pie a la mode used to be illegal in Kansas [insert crude wanking motion here]; I would have missed the treat that was the lawn chair race; and the random guest anchor wouldn't have dazzled me with the "M-I-crooked letter crooked letter-I-crooked letter crooked letter I-humpback humpback-I" bit in the segment about, you guessed it, Mississippi.

In any case, the District of Columbia will not receive its own day in the spotlight and mayor, Anthony Williams, took time off from his mayoral duties to bump his gums about it. Trouble was, no one gave a damn. So he turned on the Picket Signal and within moments, Jesse Jackson swooped in to join the fight.

The activist and former presidential candidate says it's insulting that the cable network left D.C. out when it came up with its plans. Jackson says he'll go to the network's Connecticut headquarters if they don't change their tune. He also might picket the ESPN Zone bar in the city that's home to the Nationals, Wizards, Mystics, United and Capitals.

Is this all Jesse Jackson has to do nowadays? Soon, ESPN's snub will become ESPN's racial injustice, rooted in a conspiracy to keep achievements that occur in a predominately minority community in the shadows. One would think that D.C.'s multitude of problems would be more worthy of Jackson's attention than a network's decision not to devote a day to an area split between two states that has limited local rule, high murder rates, a shoddy educational system, and is ultimately governed by Congress... An area that the professional athletes employed by its teams wouldn't voluntarily visit after the sun goes down. But that would make one an idealistic fool.

Mr. Jackson's attempt to get himself back in the news aside, when will someone point out that DC isn't a state and is, therefore, ineligible? I don't recall anyone naming the special "50 States and DC, too, in 51 days" or "DC, Guam, Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, oh, and the States, in 54 Days." Having statehood as a prerequisite to participate is a novel concept, don't ya think? But if a district has a shot at its day in the sun, maybe the Upper Peninsula has a chance as well. As far north as it is, isn't the U.P. its own state anyway? Surely there's a snowball fight going on that Steve Levy could highlight.