Venus & Serena: For Real... Ugh.

Last night, around 10/9 central, I flipped on over to ABC Family and watched Venus & Serena: For Real to go "off the court and into their lives." This is likely because I don't have one but I digress. The show really wasn't that bad. At the very least, it was amusing, but it would have been so much better if Venus & Serena were nitwit phonies. The problem with this show is that it actually was "for real." Venus and Serena are corny and goofy and while it's great to know that they're not dimly lit brats, it doesn't make for the best "reality tv." That said, the two are being genuine and we can't ask more from them than that. True reality tv is never as entertaining as the shows with storylines, kooky characters, and a little sex thrown in for good measure... that is, unless the show is Being Bobby Brown.

V&S: For Real started out with the duo going to an awards show. Serena wore a green and white dress that looked like it was made out of the frilly, ruffled panties that my mum put over my diapers when I was a toddler. Eventually they're out of there and one would assume that it'd be time to watch tennis. Nope. There's barely any tennis shown but it was hardly noticeable. Serena sprained her ankle during a match she was losing, and footage of Venus playing Lindsay Davenport in a clay tournament was interspersed with their older sister's (I think her name is Isha) discussion with nearby man about his chicken salad sandwich. Other happenings were Venus doing yoga (from a video tape) in the hotel room, Serena expressing her dislike for training, and Venus running on the beach in a bikini while Serena drove alongside her in a golf cart and made wisecracks.

The highlight of "For Real" was when Serena's dog, Jackie, stole a baked turkey while the hotel room was empty and hid it in parts of the sofa. [Something I didn't understand was how a terrier like Jackie, who doesn't seem to upwardly mobile, actually accessed said turkey. Did someone leave it on the floor? Did Jackie super-dog the thing out of the freaking oven? Maybe if they'd answered that question, I could have had more laughs.] After being harshly scolded by Serena, the dog peed all over the couch in fear, and then Serena actually put the dog in a bag. Yes - a fucking bag. And not one of those absurd, dog carrying cases that you'd find some slag like Paris Hilton carrying around. This thing looked like the prize in a life insurance giveaway... Serena threatens the pooch with banishment to the damn thing in order to encourage good behavior. Pee on the sofa, go in the bag. Eat up the turkey, off to the bag. If someone stuffed me in a bag when I acted up, I'd snap and kick them in the face. You'd best put me outside before you zip me up in a sack! Unbelievable. Serena should watch out. Jackie won't tolerate that madness for long.

All in all, the 30 minutes of Venus & Serena being for real showed me a few things:

• The sisters are intelligent and normal.
  
• Serena is 180 times more attractive and has more appealing "physical assets" than Venus. It becomes painfully obvious when they stand side-by-side. Poor Venus.
  
• Serena recites Hamlet soliloquys... This registers high on my randomness scale
  
• Proof that the two could give a damn about tennis is all over the place
  
• The real star of the show may turn out to be this dog and its battle against the nylon sack
  

I was hoping that by watching this show, I'd get a little insight into how Serena comes up with her nutball outfits or maybe even see some cute guys paraded around but I have a feeling that won't be happening. In spite of all this, I'll tune in next week but that's because I'm a schmo.