Charlie Hook's Ribs, Fish, & Chicken

Too bad my summer is effectively over. I never had a chance to make any porn... at least, not in a profitable business venture. :-(

In any case, today, at 5 am, I go back to work after a summer off. Though I've had to return to campus for random staff meetings and also to run "voluntary training sessions," I've largely been left to my own devices. I'm not certain "being left to one's own devices" is the most advisable thing for a person of poor judgment and minimal self-control like myself but for once, I think I've done a fairly good job keeping myself out of trouble's way. In a true sign of maturity (or simply one of being at home under parental jurisdiction), I surfed, drank, partied, and caroused much less than usual and occasionally proved myself a responsible adult capable of being a productive member of society. I proudly shared as much with Boss when he called last night but his response wasn't quite what I was looking for.

"I don't need you to be (bleep) responsible, I (bleep) need you to be (bleep) responsible about bustin some (bleep) ass, ok?" "Yes?" "You don't sound like yourself. I need three things from you -- punctuality, energy, rage. (Bleep) killer! You ready to do some (bleep) killin??!!" "I'm" "THAT'S (bleep) RIGHT! See you in the morning. 5 am!" *Click*

Before I could put down the phone, it rang again. "And that (bleep) means no boozin tonight, sister! No killin the beers! FIVE (bleep) AM goddammit!! You save your crazy social life for when we hit a routine!! I need that energy up up up and straight (bleep) into it! I need you gettin some (bleep) rest! You (bleep) soccer (bleep bleep) are craziest (bleep) of them all." *Click* Two minutes later, the phone rang again. I debated answering but Boss has a tendency to go crazy if forced to leave voicemails. "No contacts. You can have your sunglasses, no contacts! Come as the Lord made you. There are freshmen to deal with." "That was the plan." "Yes... right. Okay. (bleep) Good night. Rest up. Here we go... good night." "Gnight, sir."

After hanging up, I stared at my phone, unsure if Boss would ring again. [It felt like one of those absurd sitcom moments where the camera zooms in on the phone while the actor, sitting in front of a bowl of cereal and clad in flannel pants, awaits a call of doom from his girlfriend, mother, or job. Then the phone rings, effectively scaring our sitcom star off of his kitchen stool and onto the floor. The random neighbor enters the room, points, and laughs. Hilarity ensues while the studio audience roars.] Luckily, it never happened. Boss was a little more hyper tonight than usual but I can't imagine how many emotions he's been through in recent days. His behavior was more than reasonable. After going through the conversations in my head, it took about 2 minutes to decide that drinking was absolutely necessary.

So at the conclusion of a pretty solid binge, I had a taste for some Popeye's fried chicken. Much to my chagrin, Popeye's is not a 24-hour joint and visits to the local establishments were unsuccessful. However, you'll be happy to know that a place named Charlie Hook's Ribs, Fish, & Chicken, which operates in a building where the workers are protected by bulletproof glass (the food and money exchange is done in a bulletproof lazy susan type of thing), was willing to deliver as much fried chicken (and sides) as necessary but not without stipulations. It seems that while Charlie Hook's is 24 hours, it does not normally provide a chicken delivery service. This is completely vexing to me, as I can't be the only person out there with 3 am hankerings for legs, thighs, and biscuits. In any case, they wouldn't deliver the chicken unless I also made a substantially large ribs order that was much more fierce than the $10 bullshit required by Chinese restaurants.

In light of these events, if anyone in the area is interested in some succulent, fall off the bone ribs today around lunchtime, Jordan will be near the stadium showing off his fabulous grillman skills and a few other housemates will be putting together rib lunches for $5 a pop [If you are low on cash and would like lunch for free, you'll be required to donate a 6 pack of Guinness, Murphy's, Labatt, or something that isn't one of the Big 6 to our house's first party of the year]. This lunch will include the option of ribs or rib tips, biscuit or cornbread, green beans, and macaroni & cheese. You're on your own for beverages and fatty desserts.

Cheers!