PETA to South Carolina: Stop Using Cocks

As many expected, PETA jumped into the politically correct mascot fray when it asked the University of South Carolina and Jacksonville State University to abandon the Gamecock and find new mascots. The organization cited the decision of Washington Bullets ownership to change the team mascot due to the amusing irony that D.C. is a former murder capital of the world and was represented by a bullet.

The Gamecocks are named after birds used in cockfighting. These birds are pumped full of stimulants, hormones, and blood-clotting drugs. They have sharp blades attached to their legs to make the fights more exciting, i.e., bloodier. The birds routinely suffer hideous injuries, such as broken legs and wings, punctured lungs, and split eyes and are left to die outside the ring.

Cockfighting is illegal in all but three states, and is a felony in South Carolina. Please drop a line to the schools’ presidents and ask that they score points for compassion by benching the "Gamecocks" name. A new name can energize a team and is not a threat—it’s a move forward.

Score points for compassion? Am I the only gun-toting maniac that wants to shoot these people? I'm all about treating animals ethically; they should be cuddled and smiled at, not kicked about and abused. But do USC and Jax State even have Gamecocks in their possession? Have any of you seen one? Does it run out on the field with the team every Saturday like Uga, BEVO, Smokey, and Reveille? Have I repeatedly missed the man on the sidelines that handles the leashed cock pumped full of stimulants, hormones, and drugs? It's probably Marcelino from the bodega. Little Jerry Seinfeld just can't catch a break.

So what's USC to do? A change in mascot would destroy their merchandising revenue, as its largely funded by immature souls looking to wear licensed gear that has "COCKS" boldly displayed in block lettering. I've had a Cocks hat for years and I'm pretty sure I only got it to upset my father and attract the attention of boys. Having it helped me realize two things: I don't need a hat to piss off my dad and boys attracted to girls that wear Cocks gear are (not surprisingly) only interested in showing you theirs. But I digress.

Is this the beginning of a PC Crusade? Could it be onward PETA soldiers, going to war for the: Tigers, Bengals, Lions, Golden Lions, Nittany Lions, Wildcats, Cougars, Panthers, Golden Panthers, Bearcats, Bearkats, Bobcats, Leopards, Jaguars, Catamounts, Wolfpack, Wolf Pack, Seawolves, Lobos, Red Foxes, Terrapins, Huskies, Bulldogs, Runnin' Bulldogs, Great Danes, Terriers, Retrievers, Greyhounds, Salukis, Razorbacks, Wolverines, Golden Gophers, Badgers, Buffalos, Longhorns, Bulls, Thundering Herd, Bison, Bisons, Rams, Stags, Bruins, Bears, Black Bears, Golden Bears, Grizzlies, Golden Grizzlies, Mustangs, Broncs, Broncos, Blazers, Dragons, Gators, Mocs, Rattlers, Dolphins, Horned Frogs, Beavers, Jackrabbits, Kangaroos, Fighting Camels, Mastadons, and Zips?

I'm pretty sure those Campbell Fighting Camels are getting a raw deal. And when will someone go to bat for the Horned Frog? Imagine how many people pick those up and lick them, thinking they're gonna get high. That's no kind of ethical treatment. We should be killing them and fryin them up yum... as God intended.