Rafael Palmeiro Busted for Steroids

Kiss that first ballot entry into Cooperstown goodbye, Raffy.

Rafael Palmeiro was suspended for violating Major League Baseball's steroids policy today, nearly five months after telling Congress that "I have never used steroids. Period." Two weeks ago, he joined Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, and Eddie Murray in the 3,000 hits/500 homers club.

In a press conference statement, Palmeiro said he had accepted his punishment and could not explain how the steroids got into his body. "I have never intentionally used steroids. Never. Ever. Period," he said. "Ultimately, although I never intentionally put a banned substance into my body, the independent arbitrator ruled that I had to be suspended under the terms of the program."

Now you all know what's really to blame - Viagra! [I'm working on a slogan that Raffy can use in commercials. Let me bounce this off ya: "Whether it's a night of pleasing the crowd or pleasing the ladies, hit after hit, the little blue pill keeps you going strong all night long." Yeah? Yeah?.... No :(] As potent as that stuff is, Raffy didn't need a bat to smack hits and homeruns. He could've been schwinging for the fences for the next 20 years, as he racked up more and more numbers for the Hall of Very Good.

What I'm hoping though is that a news crew locates Jose Canseco just so we can watch him laugh. Maybe ESPN can do it... they sure as hell aren't doing anything else.