Fighting Back with Bible Verses

I don't know what's going on here between Jeff Francoeur and Chipper Jones but the Braves have now clinched their 14th Division Title in a row. Let's see if they can also clinch their 10th straight failure in a row.

My legs were pretty sore this morning, so I went down to the training room to be stretched out and get a little STIM on my knees. Once the trainer started stretching me, I closed my eyes and gave it a snooze. But then I heard, "The secretaries said this is where you went." I looked down and it was Beano. Given that my soreness was primarily in my thighs, I wasn't in the most flattering position. And with him sitting in a chair at the end of the table, it looked like his head was between my legs. I put my hands over my face but he took it as a cue to pull his chair up to the side of the table.

"You know how you admitted to being Jewish the other day?" He said it like I admitted I had a crack addiction. "And you know how I've been trying to tell you about the Word of God and you haven't been listening?" It's not like I could forget. He'd been proselytizing to me for 2 straight days, inviting me to his Bible study and a Sunday of worship at his church. I nodded and then told him that if 5 years at this school hadn't converted me, he wasn't going to accomplish much. Truth is, no one has ever tried as hard as Beano has in the last three days. On some level, I have to commend him for his persistence. While I laid there, he read various passages of the New Testament and tried to tell me about their meanings. Twenty minutes later, he was still going when I had an idea. I spouted out 20 long, involved verses, finishing with the short John 3:16. That was all it took to convince Beano that not only do I know my New Testament, but I'm obviously rethinking my ways as well. Truth is, I've been well-versed on the New Testament since I was 13 years old - like any educated person ought to be. Luckily, he doesn't know that.

So a message to my Jewish counterparts out there, when overzealous religious douchebags harass you to the point of distraction, run them off with New Testament verses of importance. They'll walk away with a thumbs up and a smile.