Random Weekend Observations

I finally got home from work around 4 pm yesterday and kicked back to take in a bit of the Virginia Tech - NC State game. The first thing I noticed is NC State football coach, Chuck Amato. This guy never ceases to amaze me, as he continues to wear sunglasses that make him look like one of Biff's goons from Back to the Future, Part II. All he needs is a hover board to help him roam the sidelines and harass officials. The second thing I noticed is that though Marcus Vick moves like Michael and has a big, inaccurate arm like Michael, it's a shame he doesn't quite look like Michael. While there's an obvious resemblance, Marcus Vick falls into the growing group of "celebrities" who are strangely less attractive than their more popular siblings.

Have some examples:
The Vick Brothers: Marcus vs. Michael. Marcus is cute if you're a drunk, slow 17-year-old who thinks he whispered Michael into your ear, not Marcus. Though Michael is attractive, he comes with a scorching case of herpes and that's not fun for anyone... That is, unless you're that chick in the Valtrex commercial who's tricking the fun-loving, sporty guy into sleeping with her because Valtrex hid all the symptoms. Poor sucker.

The Simpson Sisters: Ashlee vs. Jessica. As you can see, even dying her hair does nothing to help Ashlee Simpson look remotely attractive compared to her ridiculously beautiful sister. Though some of you may find her attractive, it's likely because you have low standards and for that, I'm sorry. In any case, while it's clear these two came from the same gene pool, Ashlee and Jessica remind me of that movie "Twins" where Arnold Schwarzenegger got all the superior master race genes and the remaining garbage genes were dished off to Danny Devito.

The Lachey Brothers: Nick's Brother vs. Nick. I apologize for not knowing Brother Lachey's first name. Everytime I see Nick on tv (with the exception of College Gameday), I see this guy nearby. I initially speculated that he was hanging around to make Nick look better but I later found out they're brothers. I don't know what's happening here but it's eerily similar to the Simpson sister situation. Something simply went wrong in the process for Brother Lachey. The good thing is that maybe he and Ashlee can get married and have a litter of children that will feel bad about themselves every time they play with Nick and Jessica's brood.

The Williams Sisters: Venus vs. Serena. I think Serena has a cute face but whether you like the rest of her "assets" or not may depend on if you get your rocks off being handcuffed and beaten with a crop. But Venus... poor girl. Does she feel self-conscious standing next to her sister, who's not only more attractive but has actual boobs as well? Matt and I were talking about her the other day and wondered if being rich and famous gave her a higher incidence of getting laid, her looks notwithstanding. If you're a rich and/or famous man, you can be disfigured and still bag hot chicks but I don't think it's the same for girls. Let's say you get with Venus for whatever reason.. would you go home and tell your boys about it? Or would you lie and say Serena tied you up, slapped you around, and made you call her Mama? ... That's what I thought. Were I a man, I'd probably try to drink Venus pretty but would inevitably become sad when I found I'd have to fetch a paper bag anyway.

My weekend also showed me other things.. Some echoes are being stirred and awakened... Aaron Taylor not only spews traitorious hate against his alma mater but also resembles one of the goombas from Super Mario Bros... Tyrone Willingham, Molder of Mediocrity at the University of Washington, blew a 17-7 lead to the Air Force Academy in yet another display of being outcoached in the final quarter - this time by Fisher DeBerry... Mark May is a vindictive puddle of monkeyspunk... Omar Jacobs is an absolute freak... And DOWN with the Dannon Frusion commercial. Please! No more! You've seen it. The hyper type that tries to barter breakfast goods in exchange for his smoothies. "Put that down and try this Frooosion!" Fuck off! Why are people are okay with trading food for smoothies from some random on a street corner. What in the hell is he doing with all this food that's supposedly inferior to the Frusion? When is a bus gonna run this guy over?