Ray Lewis Makes Me Laugh
There are times when I simply cannot hide my English-ness and now is that time.
ENGLAND RECLAIMS THE ASHES!
Since 98% of you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm not going to ramble on about this. Just know that I'm bursting with fruit flavor. In other news, I still hope Sven-Goran Eriksson chokes and dies.
Side note: The Coors Light NFL recap song on ESPN is back for yet another year of brutal rhymes and twins. When I heard, "And I... LOVE... WEEK ONE!," I gave up hoping for a new campaign from Coors, a beer that tastes like burnt wood. I suppose we'll just keep dealing with twins and the one that talks about how cold the goddamn beer gets when it's brewed. I guess with this Rocky Mountain High process, Coors Light changes from tasting like it was made with water drawn from the woods after a forest fire into tasting like cold piss.
Now, moving back to things that amuse me: Ray Lewis.
I know people hate Ray Lewis for various reasons but there's something about him that leaves me wholly amused every time he does something. Don't mistake me for a Lewis apologist; he just makes me laugh. Something I've noticed over the last few years is that if something is going on, #52 is there. He may not be in on the play or the situation but if you look closely enough, you see his irrational exuberance in the background - if you can't see his face, look for a leg kickout, excessive clapping, and sounds of "Woooooo!!" and "Yay-uh!!" Naturally, one expects to see Lewis in the picture where his defense picks off a pass or there's a big sack but start looking for him in other situations as well - Jamal Lewis' big rushing plays, special teams touchdowns, good deeds in the Red Lobster parking lot... Ray Lewis will be there. His ability to position himself in the camera's line of sight to engage in celebration in any situation is nothing short of amazing. Luckily for me, I tuned in to the Ravens-Colts debacle last night just in time to see Ray Lewis perform his "Squirrel" pregame dance. As he lunged to the right and then to the left, high-stepped forward at an angle, had some thigh action, and then did the full-body thrust/jazz hands finale, I started to wonder how one comes up with a dance like that. I have my well-known celebratory butt dance where I turn my back on the target, crouch just a little, look over my shoulder, and shake my arse around in a taunting manner. But that is more of a spontaneous activity, not anything I've spent time and effort choreographing. So how did Ray Lewis put his together? Maybe in its infancy, his dance was just that lunge to the right; an involuntary movement of passion. Somewhere things went wrong. Maybe he has OCD and he had no choice but to even it out with a move to the left or go insane. But if that's the case, how did the thigh action get involved? Maybe he needs air "down there" but it looks fairly dangerous for the groin. What I'm most concerned about are the jazz hands. Take a moment and imagine Ray Lewis in front of his bathroom mirror, as he works tirelessly through the off-season on this intense production. I can't help but think some moves were thrown out. A shimmy here, the running man there. These are moves to which Ray Lewis said, "Nah dawg, I can't be seen doin that. But this move where I push my penis out to the crowd and follow it up with my head tilted back Liza-style and my jazz hands on parade is tight.... WOOOO!"
I tried the dance in my office today and got caught in the middle of the thigh action. Luckily, I haven't been fired. There is no pretending to be doing something else when you're caught in the middle of the Ray Lewis dance. There's no pretending to stretch. There is no falling down directly into pushups or a pulling off a forward flip after you trip over the feet that are too big for your body - both things that, I am sad to say, I've actually done. When you're caught doing the Ray Lewis Dance just own up to it, sit down, and look out your window... look out for at least 20 minutes. The crowd that's likely gathered to point and laugh at you when you unsuspectingly walk into the hall has likely dissipated by that time.
Since 98% of you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm not going to ramble on about this. Just know that I'm bursting with fruit flavor. In other news, I still hope Sven-Goran Eriksson chokes and dies.
Side note: The Coors Light NFL recap song on ESPN is back for yet another year of brutal rhymes and twins. When I heard, "And I... LOVE... WEEK ONE!," I gave up hoping for a new campaign from Coors, a beer that tastes like burnt wood. I suppose we'll just keep dealing with twins and the one that talks about how cold the goddamn beer gets when it's brewed. I guess with this Rocky Mountain High process, Coors Light changes from tasting like it was made with water drawn from the woods after a forest fire into tasting like cold piss.
Now, moving back to things that amuse me: Ray Lewis.
I know people hate Ray Lewis for various reasons but there's something about him that leaves me wholly amused every time he does something. Don't mistake me for a Lewis apologist; he just makes me laugh. Something I've noticed over the last few years is that if something is going on, #52 is there. He may not be in on the play or the situation but if you look closely enough, you see his irrational exuberance in the background - if you can't see his face, look for a leg kickout, excessive clapping, and sounds of "Woooooo!!" and "Yay-uh!!" Naturally, one expects to see Lewis in the picture where his defense picks off a pass or there's a big sack but start looking for him in other situations as well - Jamal Lewis' big rushing plays, special teams touchdowns, good deeds in the Red Lobster parking lot... Ray Lewis will be there. His ability to position himself in the camera's line of sight to engage in celebration in any situation is nothing short of amazing. Luckily for me, I tuned in to the Ravens-Colts debacle last night just in time to see Ray Lewis perform his "Squirrel" pregame dance. As he lunged to the right and then to the left, high-stepped forward at an angle, had some thigh action, and then did the full-body thrust/jazz hands finale, I started to wonder how one comes up with a dance like that. I have my well-known celebratory butt dance where I turn my back on the target, crouch just a little, look over my shoulder, and shake my arse around in a taunting manner. But that is more of a spontaneous activity, not anything I've spent time and effort choreographing. So how did Ray Lewis put his together? Maybe in its infancy, his dance was just that lunge to the right; an involuntary movement of passion. Somewhere things went wrong. Maybe he has OCD and he had no choice but to even it out with a move to the left or go insane. But if that's the case, how did the thigh action get involved? Maybe he needs air "down there" but it looks fairly dangerous for the groin. What I'm most concerned about are the jazz hands. Take a moment and imagine Ray Lewis in front of his bathroom mirror, as he works tirelessly through the off-season on this intense production. I can't help but think some moves were thrown out. A shimmy here, the running man there. These are moves to which Ray Lewis said, "Nah dawg, I can't be seen doin that. But this move where I push my penis out to the crowd and follow it up with my head tilted back Liza-style and my jazz hands on parade is tight.... WOOOO!"
I tried the dance in my office today and got caught in the middle of the thigh action. Luckily, I haven't been fired. There is no pretending to be doing something else when you're caught in the middle of the Ray Lewis dance. There's no pretending to stretch. There is no falling down directly into pushups or a pulling off a forward flip after you trip over the feet that are too big for your body - both things that, I am sad to say, I've actually done. When you're caught doing the Ray Lewis Dance just own up to it, sit down, and look out your window... look out for at least 20 minutes. The crowd that's likely gathered to point and laugh at you when you unsuspectingly walk into the hall has likely dissipated by that time.
posted by Flash at 9/12/2005 04:37:00 PM
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