Zantac Fantasy Baseball League, Part II
FUCK!
Remember these days?
Well they have returned. Once again, I've allowed fantasy baseball to lead me down the primrose path of hope and glory only to have it bash me in the face with disappointment and frustration. After the All-Star break, my prospects started to improve, the ulcer subsided, and I could log into the league page without crying. I shed dead-weight jerks like Adrian Beltre, swiped Johnny Damon and Dontrelle Willis in some solid trades, and made some nice pick-ups in free agency. By late August, I was in 2nd place and 5 points away from Plainville Penguins - the goon in the lead that has made 73 roster moves (20 in the last week) over the course of the season. As the days went by, my team slowly but surely chipped away at his lead and then out of nowhere, it all stopped. At first I didn't care. What's a negative .5 here or there when it's happening to everyone else? But after a few days, it wasn't everyone else. It was just me, as my peckerhead players threw me under the bus by conspiring to stop hitting for average. In the past 7 days, I have lost FIVE points in batting average. Somehow they're managing to produce in every other facet of baseball but God forbid they do better than 0/4 or 1/5 on any given night. I had one night last week where only 3 of my players actually hit the fucking pitch and Derek Lee wasn't even one of them!
I'm in third place now and my position is only safe from 4th place because I have a 16 point cushion... who knows how long that will last. Why couldn't the season have ended last week when things were going well for me? Now I'm going to lose in shame. Thanks team. Losing was one thing back in June when I was fighting for 5th place and simply wanted to avoid failing the female species as the only representative in my league. But now that I've had a taste of the top, it's fuckin war! I'm not standing for this bullshit anymore. Johnny Damon, Edgar Renteria, Javy Lopez, Lance Berkman, Brian Giles.. I'm talkin to you. Pick your shit up! I'll be damned if Flash's Isotopes go down in flames to a team as fruity as the Plainville Penguins. Hopefully my anger will seep out to all the ballparks tonight and my players, sensing my impending wrath, will hit the ball like their asses are on fire and a .350 average is the cure.
18 days left.
Remember these days?
So my fantasy team is in the shitter and it's like day 8. I know, I know - only a week has passed.. be patient.. it works out. Sod off. This sucks. My team's performance thus far is so abysmal that it actually hurts my feelings. How can they treat me this way? I mean... I had so much faith in them. I believed! Following painstaking research and analysis, I found these players to be the best candidates for my Team of 5x5 Dreams. Something about this is quite criminal... isn't it?
Well they have returned. Once again, I've allowed fantasy baseball to lead me down the primrose path of hope and glory only to have it bash me in the face with disappointment and frustration. After the All-Star break, my prospects started to improve, the ulcer subsided, and I could log into the league page without crying. I shed dead-weight jerks like Adrian Beltre, swiped Johnny Damon and Dontrelle Willis in some solid trades, and made some nice pick-ups in free agency. By late August, I was in 2nd place and 5 points away from Plainville Penguins - the goon in the lead that has made 73 roster moves (20 in the last week) over the course of the season. As the days went by, my team slowly but surely chipped away at his lead and then out of nowhere, it all stopped. At first I didn't care. What's a negative .5 here or there when it's happening to everyone else? But after a few days, it wasn't everyone else. It was just me, as my peckerhead players threw me under the bus by conspiring to stop hitting for average. In the past 7 days, I have lost FIVE points in batting average. Somehow they're managing to produce in every other facet of baseball but God forbid they do better than 0/4 or 1/5 on any given night. I had one night last week where only 3 of my players actually hit the fucking pitch and Derek Lee wasn't even one of them!
I'm in third place now and my position is only safe from 4th place because I have a 16 point cushion... who knows how long that will last. Why couldn't the season have ended last week when things were going well for me? Now I'm going to lose in shame. Thanks team. Losing was one thing back in June when I was fighting for 5th place and simply wanted to avoid failing the female species as the only representative in my league. But now that I've had a taste of the top, it's fuckin war! I'm not standing for this bullshit anymore. Johnny Damon, Edgar Renteria, Javy Lopez, Lance Berkman, Brian Giles.. I'm talkin to you. Pick your shit up! I'll be damned if Flash's Isotopes go down in flames to a team as fruity as the Plainville Penguins. Hopefully my anger will seep out to all the ballparks tonight and my players, sensing my impending wrath, will hit the ball like their asses are on fire and a .350 average is the cure.
18 days left.
posted by Flash at 9/15/2005 05:59:00 PM
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