No More Bruschianity!

Other than the fact that the Florida Gators are lucky John Tereshinski III couldn't hold DJ Shockley's jock, the only thing I remember about the weekend is that we rented Saw and I've been supremely frightened out of my gord ever since. My boyfriend started bumping his gums about Saw 2 but after reminding him that I love him greatly, I advised him to catch that one on his own time because I'm not down for more of that craziness. It scared me so badly that I was on the horn to Jesus for the rest of the night, and that's really something given that I'm a big ole Jew.

I do not practice Bruschianity and if the remaining 8 weeks of NFL broadcasts will be about fellating this guy, I'll be watching the remainder of the season on mute. I'm not trying to diminish his accomplishment - it is a rare man who has the strength and fortitude to return to one of the world's most brutal games after a stroke - but you know what? He's back and that's awesome, so let's play. I don't care if he was in 80% of the defensive plays because if he's good enough to be out there, then that is what I expect! No one said, "Tedy will be able to play a little." They said that save game conditioning, he was ready to go full tilt and if that's the case, anything less from him is the actual surprise. Hey Paul Maguire, lemme tell ya what, you old bastard -- I freaking get it. Tedy Bruschi is a god among mere mortals but I don't care how well he jammed up Eric Moulds when Mike Vrabel made the drive-stopping tackle on Willis McGahee. If he isn't directly involved with the play's success, I don't want to hear about him! "Uh.. McGinest on the sack. But that was Bruschi! Tedy Buhhh-Roooskiii falling to the ground with Mark Campbell in yet another epic battle of good against evil between the 40s!" I don't care!! When the drive is over and the offense is on the field, talk about the offense. I don't want to see more cameras going to the sidelines so we can watch Bruschi adjust his balls and shoot snot rockets. He's been medically cleared and for all intents and purposes, he's fine, so let's move on.

Ron Artest will appear on the newest cover of Penthouse with three bikini-clad models. Much to his chagrin, he was fully-clothed in the photo shoot, but rather than be discouraged, Artest chose to bare his soul in an interview. The embattled Pacer hopes that the next time he throws down, it'll be for money. Artest expressed his desire to square off with Pistons center Ben Wallace on pay-per-view for $10 million. Big Ben didn't respond to the invite, but his teammate, Dale Davis, who played with Artest predicted a Wallace victory in two rounds. I would put my money on Wallace but I have a feeling that Artest is actually David Banner in his most clever disguise yet. Jack McGee is likely having a helluva time tracking him down this time.

In other news, if you're a guitar player interested in expressing your love of the ganja, check out the goodness at Craigslist Vancouver.