It's Over. I'm Boycotting ESPN.
Paul Maguire-Joe Theismann-Mike Patrick, Cold Pizza, Around the Horn, Mike Wilbon, Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith, Quite Frankly, 1st & 10, Chris Berman ruining baseball and highlight films, Joe Morgan, "I just wanna race, daddy," the NFL highlight montage featuring the song from the 4-year-old Coors "Twins" commercial, ESPN Hollywood, Stuart Scott, and now simulated press conferences for 3 Major League Baseball clubs in the heart of the NFL season.
I was attempting to watch the 6 pm SportsCenter when one of those "breaking news" graphics flew onto the tv. The next thing I knew, we were being whisked away to Boston for a simulated press conference. Five minutes of my life [that could have been used eating wings and contemplating time travel] went down the tubes while some guy pretended to be the guy that has yet to replace Theo Epstein. Sal Paolantonio and other ESPN reporters (forced to participate because they knew that resistance, in Bristol, is futile) brought on the inane, faux questions with a frenzy worthy of any afternoon with Scott McClellan. What's going to happen to Manny Ramirez? Is Paul Konerko coming in? Can you handle following in the footsteps of baseball's boy genius? Pressing questions. I wish they'd let me pretend to be the GM. My answers would have been gold and I would have worn a Bond Girl type business suit for good measure. ESPN has no more clue about these issues than I do, as they're probably consulting Joe Morgan to make the final call on the script. As a result, I can only assume that if I'd thought of all this first.. if I'd gathered all my housemates, friends, and anyone else that could be lured with wings and pints before ESPN put on its production, I could have turned the world upside down with MY simulated Q&A. I'd wax all GM-like about the future of my organization and the happenings with player personnel, wowing the masses with what COULD be. But alas.
I've reached my breaking point. Given the litany of offenses foisted upon the average sports fan, this should have happened long ago. But when a network struggles (if not flat out refuses) to report real news, it forfeits its right to push fake news on the public. As a result, I'm through. No more ESPN; no more espn.com. I'll get my Mark May updates from friendly people that submit his madness via email or AIM. I simply can't watch another minute and I can't read another headline (that is inevitably hidden behind a dropdown Nike ad). It's over. Commence boycott.
I was attempting to watch the 6 pm SportsCenter when one of those "breaking news" graphics flew onto the tv. The next thing I knew, we were being whisked away to Boston for a simulated press conference. Five minutes of my life [that could have been used eating wings and contemplating time travel] went down the tubes while some guy pretended to be the guy that has yet to replace Theo Epstein. Sal Paolantonio and other ESPN reporters (forced to participate because they knew that resistance, in Bristol, is futile) brought on the inane, faux questions with a frenzy worthy of any afternoon with Scott McClellan. What's going to happen to Manny Ramirez? Is Paul Konerko coming in? Can you handle following in the footsteps of baseball's boy genius? Pressing questions. I wish they'd let me pretend to be the GM. My answers would have been gold and I would have worn a Bond Girl type business suit for good measure. ESPN has no more clue about these issues than I do, as they're probably consulting Joe Morgan to make the final call on the script. As a result, I can only assume that if I'd thought of all this first.. if I'd gathered all my housemates, friends, and anyone else that could be lured with wings and pints before ESPN put on its production, I could have turned the world upside down with MY simulated Q&A. I'd wax all GM-like about the future of my organization and the happenings with player personnel, wowing the masses with what COULD be. But alas.
I've reached my breaking point. Given the litany of offenses foisted upon the average sports fan, this should have happened long ago. But when a network struggles (if not flat out refuses) to report real news, it forfeits its right to push fake news on the public. As a result, I'm through. No more ESPN; no more espn.com. I'll get my Mark May updates from friendly people that submit his madness via email or AIM. I simply can't watch another minute and I can't read another headline (that is inevitably hidden behind a dropdown Nike ad). It's over. Commence boycott.
posted by Flash at 11/09/2005 03:51:00 AM
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