Message to Paul Hornung

STOP! Please, just stop commenting on issues!

As most of you recall, Paul Hornung created a heap of controversy and outrage around these parts while making an appearance on Detroit's AM-1270 sometime last year. He was asked why it seemed as though there were no dynasties left in college football; did limited scholarships have something to do with it? "Notre Dame is playing eight bowl teams next year [Michigan, Michigan State, & Purdue to start the season]... and it's always year in and year out one of the toughest schedules. You can't play a schedule like that unless you have the black athlete today. You just can't do it, and it's very, very tough, still, to get into Notre Dame. They [he means Notre Dame and its alumni] just don't understand it, yet they want to win."

Nowadays, the 1956 Heisman Trophy winner is pleased with the success Notre Dame has had under new head coach Charlie Weis. Though he thinks the Irish's recruiting problems have been solved by Weis, Hornung continues to stand by his remarks — to a degree.

While speaking at the Hilton recently, the Golden Boy said, "We do need to lower our standards to get the best black athletes. But we need to do that to get the best white athletes, too."

White athletes. Black athletes. Well... I guess that's okay. But what about the athletes of the Pacific Rim, Paul? I wanna see more Samoans, goddammit! Give me 4 Junior Seau's and 7 Troy Polamalu's (and a way to recruit their fast, strong, mean kin) and you'll be looking at the newest dynasty! Defense wins championships, ya know. And while we're at it, let's throw in The Rock. He's half black, half Samoan. We can put him on the sidelines and call him Coach Tony Rocky Horror, Defensive Coordinator.