Trouble With Your Man? Use Dickie V!

Ladies! Do you need a painless way to get one-night stand errors out of your house before anyone notices? Are you eager to kick your boyfriend's sorry ass to the curb by the end of this Chrismukzaa season? Look no further than the Dick Vitale Alarm Clock. Set the alarm and wait by the door with his clothes in hand. At go-time, one of fourteen vivacious Vitalisms will harshly rouse his snoring 'til noon ass out your bed and send him running out the door. Just toss the clothes at him on his way out; he won't be back.



I asked the man in my life what he'd think if I gave him one of these. "I would think "Oh please God let me die in my sleep.'" ... He'd better not act up.