Four (Brief) Monday Complaints
So I was watching the Pro Bowl yesterday when I became intensely agitated at the following:
- Not only was Trent Green suiting up for the AFC but so was Steve McNair! At first I thought maybe he flew down and put on a uniform just to reminisce about old times but no! He was an actual participant! It goes without saying that not only is McNair old balls, he's fecking awful. Please tell me that if you go to the Pro Bowl after every talented quarterback in your conference bows out due to injury, you are not credited for it! I can see it already -- 20 years from now I'll be on my arse with a bag of Cheetos (or a futuristic Cheeto-quivalent) watching ESPN Classic and a special will come on about past NFL MVPs or the emergence of the black quarterback or one of the few other categories in which McNair fits. 10 minutes into the program, a guy with a Jim Lampley-type voice will say, "McNair closed his career with a Pro Bowl selection in 2006," thus tricking the 1800 people (minus myself) actually watching the show into believing McNair was of any use past the 2003 season. It's total madness... madness, I say! I don't know who's in charge with crediting people with Pro Bowl appearances but this is something that must be stopped or prevented.
- Michael Vick threw a 65-yard bomb up for grabs and in the middle of something like 7 defenders, Larry Fitzgerald made a ridiculous catch. Not only did Michael Vick proceed to preen and prance as if his dumb ass was actually effective, while saying, "Money money money!!!," we were then treated to the musings of the rere patrol.
Joe Theismann: "Thats exactly the kind of throw Vick has learned to make." But Maguire has a flash of brilliance, laughs, and says, "Are you kidding? He was falling down and just threw it way up in the air! He's learned to make that throw?" Good on ya Maguire for that random flash of smart. So soon after, Vick throws a missile into triple coverage and, as you can guess, it was nearly picked off. Maguire continues the genius and says, "Hey Joe, was that another pass he's learned to make?" Theismann says, "It was a great throw... just poor decision." In a third bout of retardation, Theismann had said that Vick "Does just one thing. All his critics say he only does one thing but he DOES only do one thing... and that one thing is WIN!
- I simply can't find a way around my irrational hatred of Michelle Kwan. I don't apologize for it.. there's just something about her that's always bothered me. So I feel no shame in hoping that even with all her world championships, she still considers herself the Buffalo Bills of the Winter Olympics. [This is, of course, contingent on Michelle knowing who the Bills are and why she should feel bad...] Go Sasha Cohen!!
- I don't really care about the Winter Olympics and I'm disappointed by that. I'm always amped for the Olympics - winter or summer. What's been the difference this year? Is it a lack of hype? Less people for whom to cheer? Whatever it is, thumbs down. I watched an A&E bio on Hitler rather than watch the luge.