I Need a Roethlisberger Break

I don't have a problem with Ben Roethlisberger- right now. He's a likeable guy and unless you're a Seahawks fan or some crazy from the MAC Conference, I can't think of a reason to wish him ill will. But back in 2002 (tuck rule and University of Michigan issues aside), I couldn't think of valid reasons to hate Tom Brady either. He was the new golden boy and it seemed only fitting that he'd judge a Miss USA pageant, hit the Playboy Mansion, and be one of People's 50 Most Beautiful People, but after the hype died down, well, I guess that was the problem - it never died down and now Tom Brady has infected every aspect of our lives. There is no magazine to be read or channel that can be watched without seeing Tom Brady at least once in a sitting. He could be pimping Cadillac or NFL Network or the President or Visa and that goddamn fraud monitoring. It could be gossip about he and girlfriend Bridget Moynihan or him expressing his belief that he's just a regular every day guy that surfs internet porn or an appearance as official coin flipper of Super Bowl XL. When Charlie Weis left for Notre Dame, it was months of Tom Brady Quinn... ooh spooky. Let's talk about it! And when the draft comes up in a couple months, it'll be time for the only question Chris Berman finds worthy of asking Mel Kiper - "who will be the next Tom Brady?" because, if you're not yet aware, Tom, the poster child for the late round picks done good, was a 6th round selection and has a BIG chip on his shoulder about it. It's nothing personal... I simply can't handle any more Tom and his overexposed, scruff-covered butt chin. But that doesn't mean I'm ready for a new golden boy to invade my life! In the four days since the Super Bowl, Roethlisberger has been on Letterman and QVC and presented Kelly Clarkson at the Grammy Awards. There are only a few things that could save us from Roethlislove reaching Brady-like proportions:
1) Big Ben looks like Sasquatch with a beard and a guy that tries to set his farts on fire when clean-shaven;
2) The Steelers won't win 2 of the next 3 Super Bowls;
3) Dan Marino, angry that Roethlisberger won it all in the second year like he was supposed to, will go Ray Finkle on the Steelers QB and whine at him until he passes out and dies.
I'm thinking that 1 and 2 will save us but a sick, dark side of me secretly hopes it's possibility number 3.