Pats 34, Eagles 17

Okay, my pre-playoffs prediction went nowhere since the Patriots made the Colts look like a team put together by the Special Olympics. Luckily, my Mascot Style may prove itself an accurate judge of the ultimate winner, though it erroneously tabbed the Vikings to defeat the Eagles in a Man vs. Beast Division extravaganza.
Super Bowl Prediction, Mascot Style:
Eagles. These graceful killers of the sky are equipped with skull-crushing beaks and sharp talons three times stronger than a Rottweiler's bite. The chilling ferocity of their attack is one of the most impressive scenes in nature. But what good is an aerial attack against the Minutemen - a hand-picked elite force of farmers, fishermen, and tradesmen selected by their commanding officers for their enthusiasm, reliability, and physical strength - when your only experience is against fish, game birds, and small mammals? Though they are a hodgepodge of skills and backgrounds, these men are smart, prepared, and quick. They have mastered guerilla warfare, smooth strategies, and the musket. I highly doubt they'll struggle to defeat an aerial assault from a bunch of birds; it's a pigeon shoot.

Winner: Patriots
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In my humble, non-mascot prediction considering opinion, I don't think the Patriots can lose unless, with the score tied 0-0, they spontaneously combust en masse immediately after McNabb has hiked the ball. From there, McNabb will have to either manage not to trip over himself or O-linemen in a mad scramble to the the end-zone or he'll have to complete a 2-yard toss into the middle of the end zone to a stick-um-covered T.O. And even then, I'd challenge the call. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm rooting for the Pats. Sure, I want to see Coach Weis and Big Dave snap up another ring but I'd take more joy in watching the Iggles spend yet another year in the no-championship abyss. I hate them. I hate their organization. I hate the obnoxious, uneducated, slobbering, drooling, annoying pile of crap fans. If God descended in Jayville in a Pats jersey, Filthy fans would throw batteries and cheesesteaks at him. I hate T.O. and his "God has cleared me" bullshit. I hope God clears Rodney Harrison to snap him at the knees. I hate that crackass Freddie Mitchell and his 90 receptions in 4 years shit ass career. I wish Chuck Bednarick would suit up in his 1960s body and blast TO and Mitchell into unconsciousness the way he viciously took out Frank Gifford's face. I wish Donovan F. McNabb would realize that no amount of cornrows or bowls of Campbell's can disguise the fact that he's a big fucking dork better suited to throwing a 20-sided die, wearing chain mail, and swinging a boffer.

It's only too bad the Iggles didn't lose to the Falcons and cement themselves in history as one of the greatest assemblages of choke artists in the history of team sports. But maybe it's all for the best. In 15 hours, the Philadelphia Eagles will have created a brand new category of futility in the annals of sport's greatest chumps; a category lower than the Bills, the Cubs, and Phil Mickelson. It doesn't get much better than that.

Coach Weis & Big Dave - 34
Iggles - 17