Schillings, Damons, and Scarves

As you are all aware, I'm no fan of Johnny Damon. I think I made my feelings quite clear in my post Lord of the Idiots. But yesterday I read about something that, sadly, compells me to lend my support to his wife, Michelle.

It's only been a couple days since Johnny Damon virulently objected to the idea of Curt Schilling becoming the Sux closer. The thought is that Schilling, still recovering from an ankle injury and who knows what else, could be a short-term solution to what might be a long-term problem with the Sux bullpen. Keith Foulke has Danny Graves disease (apparently brought on by a knee injury) and Matt Mantei is also out of commission. Now I could care less where Schilling goes. He and his ketchup sock can go to.. bad places.. but I have no problem admitting that, as a fan of the game itself, the idea of his presence in the pen is quite tantalizing. But it seems that the reason Johnny may not have been down with the plan may be partly attributed to hostile feelings between his wife, Michelle, and Schilling's bride, Shonda, over a spat about scarves.

During the 2004 ALCS, Shonda Schilling bought a collection of scarves and handed them out to the wives as a sign of solidarity for their men. But Michelle Mangan Damon (then just Fiancee Damon) refused to wear it and when the Yankees obliterated the Sux in Game 3, Michelle said, "A lot of good those (bleeping) scarves have done." Shonda Schilling then lost it, "Well, if you were wearing one maybe your fiance wouldn't be 0-for-16." And then hell broke loose.

Mrs. Damon probably shouldn't have commented on the scarves but I have a feeling it was said in a frustrated moment following months of positively annoying behavior from Schilling's wife and for that, I say, good for you, Michelle Damon! Don't let Shonda Schilling push you around! Like some of you girls reading this, I've spent a lot of time as a player's girlfriend. And in every group of players' girlfriends and wives, no matter the sport, it never fails that there is a pain in the neck, crafty ass that encourages the girls to dress up in jerseys, buttons, scarves, and creative hats to show unity while we support our men. This leader of the girlfriend brigade always believes these acts will energize the boys, as if we'll be able to send beams of love and devotion from our little cheer block right down to the field or court. She is powered by the idea that behind every good player is the strong woman for whom he plays (which is at least somewhat true), and if you aren't supporting him correctly at the games like the rest of the girls, you probably aren't doing a very good job of it at home... this hurts the team and it also hurts her man, who tries so much harder than everyone else. So don't resist her because when your man struggles (and he will), she'll be right there with her snide comments, wearing the button she decorated with materials from Hobby Lobby.

Now I don't begrudge the girlfriend or wife that tries to create a little solidarity amongst "the sorority," but people like Shonda Schilling are right pains in the arse that must be stopped. It's one thing to sit together, hang out, and offer support in times of need - no one knows what you go through with him the way a fellow significant other does - but Scarves of Destiny and other such items serve no reasonable purpose other than making these Martha Stewart-lites feel self-important. It's all to ridiculous. It has to end.

Ladies, have some nachos, get a beer, cheer for your man, and make sure you're lookin good when the camera pans to you after he makes a great play. Nothing else is required.